


Off key, but in tune

by wyoheartsmusic



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/F, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Pining, Post-Break Up, doctor!sana, i think it can be considered pining at least haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 12:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyoheartsmusic/pseuds/wyoheartsmusic
Summary: Noora puts her feelings in a letter





	Off key, but in tune

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leonorawrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonorawrites/gifts).



> Leonora, this is for you. Thank you for the prompt and getting me hooked on that poem which makes me cry even after the millionth time listening to it. Ever since you gave the prompt, I couldn't stop thinking about it so now I just wrote it.  
> It's very short and I tried something a little different this time so I hope it doesn't completely butcher the idea you had in your head for it - if it does, maybe you can find someone else to write it instead haha
> 
> The prompt was actually for the story in the beginning of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g20xeqjt6bA) video which I almost exactly quoted but the overall feeling for the fic was inspired by the poem and that ultimately led to the format I chose for this fic.
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

Dear Sana,

Today I cried. Because of you. Because of us. In a doctor’s office. I couldn’t take the sight of the stethoscope dangling around his neck. I teared up over a stethoscope because it reminded me of you. 

My nose was stuffed anyway because of the flu but the crying made it worse and the doctor didn’t know what to do so he held me as I was breaking down and all I could think about was the night we met. How we were in your bed, about to kiss for the very first time and right before our lips touched you jumped off the bed and when you came back, you had this brilliant smile on your face and held up your stethoscope triumphantly, you put the little ear things in my ears and you put the little knob thing over your heart and as you leaned over me, your voice was quiet and soft, maybe a little jumpy with nervousness and you whispered, _I want you to hear my heart speed up when you kiss me_ and so I kissed you and I could hear your heart start racing. So beautiful. And that’s all I ever thought from that moment on. 

I thought, _my god, she’s beautiful and I want her and I to be a forever kind of thing._ And maybe I still do.

But today, in that doctor’s office, the cold metal of the stethoscope wasn’t heating up with the warmth of our bodies. I did not touch your skin or kiss your lips. Instead I cried over what I’ve lost.

Maybe you sometimes cry too.

We could have been great. I felt it right there that very first night with the rain splattering against the windows and the wind rattling the walls around us but I was steady. We were steady. It felt like we could face any storm.

I knew it on our very first date. I loved you from the moment we went to play basketball because that’s your favourite thing to do and you showed me how to throw hoops and you laughed when I failed miserably. And I laughed too because I was with you and you were the sun and I was a flower blooming for the first time. Because of you. We were breathless but not with exertion. We were breathless because I was in love and I think you were too. 

At that point I knew you for a week. When we went to my place afterwards, I kept thinking, _Eskild, Linn, Isak, please be there. I want you to meet this beautiful girl_. My flatmates weren’t there but that was okay too because I could kiss you. In the hallway, on the way to the kitchen where we put a frozen pizza in the oven because I like cooking but I like you more. We ate, fingers and mouths greasy but touching, kissing anyway because how could we not? We went to my room, and you took off your hijab with shaky fingers. _My god, she’s beautiful._ The trust you put in me that night. I was hopelessly falling in love with you. You crawled into my arms and tucked your head under my chin, your hair a soft caress against my skin and I knew you were feeling vulnerable and I realised you didn’t let many people see that side of you. And I felt so honoured. I wrapped my arms around you but I was the one feeling safe. I read my favourite book to you and we fell asleep tangled together.

I didn’t want you to leave in the morning. I wanted you to never leave me again. My heart was beating for you and no one else.

I tend to give myself up when I fall in love. I give my everything to the person I love, give them the chance to break me with a snap of their fingers. But I wasn’t scared with you. My past didn’t matter anymore. I was the most myself with you that I’ve ever been.

I was glowing when you walked out the door that morning. I was smiling so much my flatmates commented on it. And I told them about you and I couldn’t stop, I could’ve described every single eyelash of yours to them if they had let me.

But I didn’t when they told me I looked happy. We had a group hug and I couldn’t stop giggling. _She’s so beautiful_ , I told them, _I want to spend the rest of my life with her_. And they didn’t call me out on it because they could see in my eyes that I meant it. I think Eskild started planning our wedding that very second.

You later texted me that you had some busy days ahead of you in the hospital but that you loved our date and you wanted to do it again some time. I surprised you with dinner at four in the morning when you had a ten minute break in the hospital. Nothing could have prepared me for seeing you in your white coat, a stethoscope around your neck. _Is that The Stethoscope?_ I asked you and you laughed even though there was pure exhaustion on your face and you grabbed my hands and led me up to the hospital’s roof where we shared the food I brought and for a few minutes, you fell asleep against my shoulder before you jerked awake and apologised because you had to get back to work.

By the end of the week, that short dinner moment was the only time I got to see your beautiful face. But it was okay. Because by the end of the week, you showed up on my doorstep, exhaustion threatening to wipe you out and you fell into my arms and slept in my bed and we didn’t leave bed for three days straight until the dark circles under your eyes disappeared and you smiled at me again like I was the sun when no one can be brighter than you.

You asked me to be your girlfriend that day. And I said _I do_ like it was our wedding day already and since when was I so obsessed with marrying someone? But it made sense with you.

Seven months later my heart broke.

The first week after you left, I kept seeing you everywhere I went. And even when I wasn’t going anywhere, you were there. In my thoughts, in my dreams. 

You left because you were scared and I screamed at you because I couldn’t understand how you could feel that way when I felt the safest I could have ever been. I screamed and we both cried and I wish I hadn’t reacted that way.

I get it now. I think I do. You were scared because you thought your religion wouldn’t accept you. You were scared of what your parents would say. Back then I didn’t understand because I’m not religious and my parents fucked me up and never loved me.

I’m not sure what it is, why a year later I still crave your closeness like the air I breathe. Maybe more. But maybe I’m the moon and you’re the sun and I can’t exist without you and maybe that means I lost myself while I was with you after all. Or maybe I’m not feeling like myself because I’m not me without you.

Maybe I need you.

And maybe—

you need me too.

Maybe we can still be great. Maybe I can find a way to make you feel as safe with me as I felt with you. Maybe you’re my forever.

Not maybe but most definitely.

I need you and I’m still so in love with you, my beautiful sun.

Yours always, Noora

❤︎

_The knock on the door startled Noora. It had been a week since the day at the doctor’s office, since she had broken down completely and had poured her heart out on the pages of a letter she actually had the courage to send._

_She didn’t know what to expect, didn’t want to get her hopes up but there was no denying that it was all wishful thinking. She wouldn’t have sent the letter if she didn’t hope for some kind of outcome. Closure maybe, in the worst case scenario._

_It still caught Noora off guard to find Sana standing on her doorstep, an ensemble of royal blue and white making her glow or that was just Sana, who always shone brighter than anything for Noora. It almost hurt to look at her. She was perfection while Noora still recovered from her illness, messy hair and pale skin._

_The white noise rushing through Noora’s head was interrupted by the crinkling sound of paper and when she looked down, she spotted a piece of paper being crumpled in Sana’s fist. A familiar, tearstained piece of paper with Noora’s curved handwriting on it._

_Noora’s letter._

_Sana closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed thickly, her expression pained and voice raspy when she admitted, “Maybe I need you too.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought! <3


End file.
